James has a crash pad in Hotham ski resort, he calls it Rihanna, you might want to call it Gwen.
“If any apartment could wear raybans after sundown and still be hella cool it’s this little baby you’d be calling Rihanna.” PHOTO GALLERY @badgirlririr instagram in Aspen.
If you want to sell something on the internet you have to make it funny, right? We think James has nailed his ‘boss’ apartment for sale at Hotham on his website we discovered this week.
“If any apartment could wear raybans after sundown and still be hella cool it’s this little baby you’d be calling Rihanna. Unless you are Old Skool, in which case you’d name this apartment after someone way cooler. Maybe Gwen Stefani.
If you’re the kind of guy that drives up the mountain worrying about snow marks on your brand new Land Rover, and who wears your superfine ski jacket and a single gold earring to apres ski cocktails at Zirky’s, then stop reading right here. This apartment is not for you or your turtleneck-wearing wife.
Like the lead No Doubt girl this apartment is a hottie with a kickass attitude, and you know that if only you could hang out together it would make you the most popular kid in school.
The little mynx is perfect for you and your snowboarding buddies. It’s like that 100% hipster kid with rich parents. Sure it’s small, but it’s got everything going for it and a fireball charisma that sucks you in.
Want to live large? The Arlberg building has a swimming pool, spa, sauna, bar, restaurant, supermarket, ski hire, laundry, day spa room – if you have a day off from the halfpipe you can live large without even leaving the building. Who else do you know that can do that? No-one outside those rich Hollywood types. And the other people in the Arlberg as lucky as you.
It’s a short walk to Hotham Central for the pubs and clubs at night, and an even shorter stagger home again. In the daytime you can don your goggles and skip your board down the hill and drop off into the Village run without needing a bus.
Your apartment itself is a “studio”, a boss way to say it’s the size of a killer hotel room. You don’t want it too big anyway though, right? It’s only more to keep clean. The main bedroom is connected to the kitchen, there’s a separate bathroom and toilet, and a drying cupboard. What’s the drying cupboard for? Drying your stuff! And hot tip – it’s about the only good place if you’re playing hide and seek.
Your new best friend also has a fantastic window made of the finest quality glass, which when you gaze lovingly through it has views right across the best ski runs this side of the equator. Enough to make a grown man drool all over the recently replaced carpet.
There’s even a cafe slash supermarket just down the hall, so close you can wear your pyjamas down to get your morning coffee. If you wear pyjamas. If you don’t, you should consider donning some just for the coffee trip. Even someone with friends as cool as yours can’t be forgiven if the checkout chick cops an eyefull.
You can make a decent rental income from this hellcat during the season when you’re not enjoying her yourself. So, want to be friends with this sweet suite? Want to own it? This lifestyle could be yours, all for only $89,000. You couldn’t buy a brick outhouse in the city for that.
And heck, if you want to pay an extra five gees I’ll grab you a flat-screen tv, booming stereo and fill the bar fridge with grog before I hand it over. Think of it as my best wishes to you for lifestyle improvement.
Don’t be shy. Make me an offer I can’t refuse.
Check out photos of ‘The Real Rihanna’ at the snow
Disclaimer: Snow It All doesn’t know James, has never met James nor has she met Rihanna.